How to help your child with Math if you're Not a Math Person

Spoiler alert: You’re more of a math person than you know. 

Are you really not a math person? 

Many of us finished our K–12 education with the conclusion that we weren’t ‘a math person.’ This has become such a big part of our identity, even a rock we cling to when we’re faced with math-related tasks like creating a family budget or considering learning a new skill, like programming. It’s so ingrained in our identity that we might even be reluctant to question that assumption. 

If that’s the case, I want to encourage you to take a moment (at least for the length of this article) to open your mind to the possibility that this image you have of yourself as “not a math person” might not be entirely true. And if you can’t do it for yourself, consider that this image you have of yourself as “not a math person” might negatively impact your child’s belief in their own potential to learn and love math. Children naturally model their parents’ values and beliefs, so any negative belief you have about yourself (stated or not) can have a huge impact on them. This also extends to teachers' perceptions of themselves. One Columbia University study revealed that female teachers’ math anxiety has a direct impact on girls’ math achievement.”

Why do you think you are bad at math? 

Western culture is ridden with negative feelings about math. Harmful myths about innate ability and who gets to be a “math person” are pervasive. The stereotype of the nerdy, anti-social math whizz abounds. Many of us developed severe math anxiety at school. The focus on memorizing formulas vs. conceptual understanding, the frequent quizzes and tests designed to “measure our ability,” and the lack of personalization in traditional classroom environments led us to the inevitable conclusion that we weren’t good at math. This was further compounded by a well-intended “tiered system” where the kids who were considered to be talented at math got placed in special math classes for “gifted kids” and vice versa.  

Learning math at school was often a highly disagreeable experience. Few of us had teachers who had the time or freedom to impart a passion for math, make it fun and relevant, or reveal its immense potential for unlocking the mysteries of this wondrous universe. Rather, we learned to associate math with boring lectures, pointless assignments, heavy textbooks, dull worksheets, and stressful tests. When we didn’t excel in math, our schools often didn’t take on the responsibility. We were made to believe that we were the ones to blame because we “weren’t a math person.”

If you’re human, you’re a math person

If you can process language, solve a puzzle, decode a word, YOU ARE A MATH PERSON! 

The notion that someone is not a "math person" is a pervasive myth that undermines the potential of individuals and their ability to excel in mathematics. Contrary to this belief, research in neuroscience and education has shown that the human brain is highly adaptable and can learn and master new skills, including mathematics, at any age. The brain is highly plastic, meaning it can reorganize itself and create new neural pathways even into adulthood. This neuroplasticity supports the idea that anyone can learn and improve their math skills with practice and persistence. For instance, Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist, has conducted extensive research on the concept of growth mindset. Her work emphasizes that individuals who believe their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work are more likely to succeed, challenging the notion of innate talent in math.

The idea that only certain people possess an inherent talent for math is simply not supported by scientific evidence. Success in mathematics is not predetermined by genetics; rather, it is the result of effort, practice, and effective learning strategies. The experiences of countries with successful math education systems, such as Finland and Singapore, have been extensively studied. These studies emphasize the importance of teaching methods, curriculum design, and teacher training in promoting mathematical proficiency among students, regardless of their initial perceived abilities.

These diverse avenues of research collectively debunk the myth that being a "math person" is an innate trait, highlighting the importance of effort, mindset, and effective pedagogy in mastering mathematics.

How to teach learn math with your child.

The first step towards teaching your children math is not teaching them but learning with them. “We heal where we are wounded”, a wise teacher once told me. In some ways, your own difficulty with the subject can give you even more empathy for the challenges your child encounters along the way. 

The first piece of advice I give to any new homeschooling parent is don’t try to teach your child. Instead, learn with them. Once you’ve chosen a math curriculum, you and your child can learn together. Whether or not you know how to do long division or advanced calculus, you have likely picked up some skills on how to learn along the way. If your child is working through a curriculum and gets stuck, together, you can go on Google, YouTube, or ChatGPT and find explanations together. 

Modeling is one of the primary ways children learn. And you are the ideal person to model learning techniques for your child. They can observe you grappling with a difficult problem and pushing past your frustration to learn (grit). They can observe you getting excited about learning something new. They can observe you being comfortable with not knowing the answer and moving forward. They can observe you being proud of yourself for failing, trying again, and experimenting with new solutions (growth mindset). They can observe you having fun learning math (love of learning). And they will adopt these qualities through observation. What’s more, your child can help you learn, taking on the role of student as teacher, widely believed to be the final stage of mastery.

Learning with your child can be rewarding and fun. One of the fifteen-year-old homeschoolers I know described taking an advanced statistics class with her father as “one of the most intimate experiences I’ve had with my dad.” 

“What’s the point of learning math?!”

Sometimes, when we hear this question, we groan. And in all fairness, it’s not always delivered in the most even tone of voice.

But, what an absolutely wonderful question for your child to ask. Do you know the answer? Learning is driven by meaning. If a child doesn’t understand the reason for learning a certain activity, its inherent value, or if they don’t see its relevance to their own lives, their motivation for learning that subject will naturally be low. Conversely, if they understand “the point,” if they’re driven to know, if they see the inherent value, their ability to concentrate, to push past frustration, and master that subject area will be extremely high. (That’s what Angela Duckworth calls "grit.”)

If your child asks you, “What’s the point of learning math?!”, by all means engage! You have a golden opportunity—an invitation to help them see the inherent value in one of the most important life skills they can acquire. The stage is yours for what we like to call a “Teachable Moment.” 

You can start by asking for an invitation…”Are you really curious?” “Yes!” “Great! I’d love to talk about this with you.” or “Let’s explore this together.” Rather than simply explaining, you can use inquiry “Do you have any thoughts about why math might be an important skill to know?” “How about we google it or ask ChatGPT? ” It’s wise to give your child the benefit of the doubt. You wouldn’t want to have to take a seminar at your job if you didn’t see the relevance to your work. That would be a waste of time. A good boss will explain why they think the seminar will help improve your work and advance your career. Likewise, a caring parent will take the time to help a child draw the connection between learning math and living a full, successful life. 

Yeah, but what IS the point of learning math? 

If you’ve never thought about the “point” of learning math, you’re not alone. Many of us learn completely useless math in school that we never apply in our real lives. The best way to find out the point of math is to explore that question yourself and think about what will motivate your individual child. I have ideas about why math matters, but these ideas speak to me more strongly because I’ve researched the topic. That said, here are a few I’ll share as you start this exploration into the purpose of math with your child.

 1. Math is the language of nature. If you want to understand the world around you and unlock the mysteries of the universe, math is the key.

 2. Math gives you freedom. If you’re interested in starting your own business instead of working for a boss, you’ll need to know how to build a budget and do financial modeling. 

3. Math is fun! It can help you win board games, solve puzzles, and invent riddles. 

4. Math prepares you for careers. Talking to a child about what kind of career they’re interested in and how math is involved in that career (whether it be as a veterinarian or software engineer) may motivate them. Perhaps you can also address how you use math in your own career. 

5. Math protects you from people taking advantage of you. If you need to buy a house, negotiate a contract, or invest money, understanding math will help prevent you from getting your hard-earned income taken away unfairly.

The advantages of learning math in a home environment

As a parent, you have some significant advantages over a classroom teacher. Educational psychologist Benjamin Bloom (widely respected for his theory on mastery learning and the Bloom Two Sigma program) said, “What any person in the world can learn, almost all persons can learn if provided with appropriate prior and current conditions of learning.” Bloom’s groundbreaking research on the “Two Sigma problem” revealed that students who received 1-1 tutoring using a mastery-based approach and were allowed to progress at their own speed performed 90% better than peers who learned through group instruction (2 standard deviations above the norm). If you step into the hallways of the physics department at a major university, you may notice the physicists pacing back and forth down the hallway, taking that vital brain break that helps them solve complex problems and unlock the keys to our universe.

Even the best teacher has very limited bandwidth to take the time to understand your child and tailor math instruction to your child’s needs and pace. In a homeschool learning environment, you can give your child unlimited time to learn math at their own pace. You can make math fun and relevant to your child. In a home learning environment, the child’s only concern is reaching the height of their potential at that moment, not comparing themselves to where their peers are at a particular stage. This will not only help them learn better but also make them feel confident in their abilities. And when we’re confident, we enjoy learning more. 

And perhaps most significantly, you can choose a high-quality, mastery-based math curriculum that suits your unique child and is focused on conceptual rather than procedural understanding. 

Choosing curriculum 

I have good news for you. If your child isn’t enjoying math, there’s often an easy fix. Find a curriculum that supports their love of math. 

Parents homeschooling today have a huge advantage over their predecessors. There are so many wonderful tools and technologies that have been specifically designed to support any parent, regardless of their own ability, in helping their child learn math. 

While not everyone wants their child to use adaptive technology, some of the math apps, such as Prodigy Game or Math Tango, are so fun for certain kids that they see them as their special treat rather than a chore. Physical math programs (like Right Start Math) or nature-based curriculum (like Wild Math) can be a great choice for children who thrive with hands-on outdoor activities. There are also programs that can work better for children with dyscalculia, such as Right Start Math.

Keep in mind that the curriculum your child loves may be totally different than the one that other kids in your homeschooling group or the rising prodigy you saw on YouTube use. Every child is unique, and the beauty of homeschooling is that you get to choose what works best for them! It’s often useful to keep trying until you find the right fit. This is a post I wrote about my favorite tools for learning math for 12 different child archetypes. You can also use my free curriculum planner for recommendations of secular, mastery-based math programs that could be a good fit for your child based on their favorite activities and special needs, as well as your family’s budget and preferences around screen time. 

Tips for vetting curriculum 

When choosing a math curriculum, I typically recommend that families choose a mastery-based program focused on conceptual rather than procedural understanding and vetted for accuracy. If that feels like a lot of work, simply do a search or post a little information about your child and how they learn best to the SEA homeschoolers group, and you are bound to get dozens of great suggestions of high-quality math curricula from families with similar learners. 

• Choose a program that has been designed for math (that’s separate from your all-in-one curriculum) While it’s not always the case, all-in-one curricula tend to be weak on math.

• Choose an accurate curriculum (check what SEA homeschoolers have to say about it). Fortunately, SEA homeschoolers (many of whom are math teachers) have vetted most of the math curricula available. If it’s recommended in SEA, it likely doesn’t have errors. 

• Choose a mastery-based curriculum. Mastery-based teaching in math ensures a strong foundation, prevents learning gaps, and promotes individualized learning by focusing on complete understanding of concepts before progressing.

• Choose a curriculum that your child loves. It might take a few attempts to find the perfect math program for your unique child, but it’s worth the effort. You can tell quickly if it’s one they love and that engages them.

Special cases

1. The child has low math confidence. Avoid saying you are good, and change to empathizing and saying you are capable of learning. Find a curriculum that keeps them at the right challenge (not too hard or too easy). Even starting easier can be a good approach to start building back their confidence. Model growth mindset in your own tasks as much as possible. 

2. The gifted math learner. What if my kid is better at math than me? If you’re homeschooling with a 1-1 mastery-based approach, this may happen quickly. There are so many adaptive learning apps available online, like Beast Academy, and gifted kids can often teach themselves. When they get stuck, go on YouTube or Google together and find problem-solving strategies. Focus on teaching them learning skills rather than math skills. 

3. A child with dyscalculia. A child with dyscalculia especially needs to find a math curriculum that suits their learning modalities. And this will be different for different children. Consider searching for “dyscalculia” in the SEA homeschoolers and asking others for support. Sometimes using multi-modal approaches and physical manipulatives can be especially helpful. Start easy so they can build confidence. 

4. The reluctant math learner. The reluctant math learner will need time to get back into it and resolve trauma around negative math experiences. Take all the time you need to explore the purpose of math together and try different curricula until their interest peaks again. You are not in a rush.  

Find a tutor to help (with any budget)

When all else fails, by all means, get a tutor! Eclectic homeschooling doesn’t need to happen in the vacuum of a nuclear family. Sometimes having an outside influence can be just the ticket to getting your child back on the math racehorse riding to mastery. There are wonderful tutors you can find in your local homeschooling group, college, or university. You can even ask another parent to tutor your child in a subject, and you can tutor theirs. Sometimes a child who is even slightly more advanced than your child can be a great tutor. And if you can’t afford to hire a tutor at all, you’re still in luck. 

Online platforms like Schoolhouse.world and Masteryhour.org offer free tutoring resources, connecting students with experienced tutors worldwide. Your local library can also be a valuable resource, often hosting tutoring programs or providing access to educational materials. Another strategy is to contact the math department at nearby colleges or universities; students might volunteer their time to assist your child. Alternatively, consider enrolling in a program like Big Brothers, Big Sisters of America, which pairs children with mentors who can provide academic support.

Draw on the community for support

Many of us were completely traumatized by our experiences learning math in school. If this is you, you are not alone. As hard as it is, try not to be discouraged if your child is behind in math or particularly resistant. You have time to help them learn and to learn math yourself. You have time to see if you can be a positive guide to your child in their math learning journey. And when it gets frustrating,  reach out to your community for support. In the SEA Homeschoolers Group, you will always find someone who has been where you are now and moved ahead. Someone else is behind you and can benefit from your wisdom and experience.  

Now, as you become your child’s math teacher and educational guide, it’s your chance to learn the math you maybe didn’t learn at school and step into your power as “the math person” you’ve always been.