Modulo

An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’

Recommended Ages

Grownups

Adults who grew up in chaotic or dysfunctional families often struggle to recognize what healthy relationships and boundaries actually look like. “An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’” offers a compassionate, plain-language overview of functional family dynamics, helping readers compare familiar patterns with healthier alternatives. Written for adult children of alcoholics and others from high-conflict homes, the book draws on recovery principles and therapy-informed insights to organize complex ideas into manageable chapters. We appreciate how validating the tone is, emphasizing that confusion and over-responsibility are common outcomes of difficult childhoods, not personal failings. It’s best suited for adults or older teens doing personal growth or recovery work, not for younger kids. The examples can feel dated in places, but the core concepts about boundaries, communication, and self-worth remain relevant. Pro tip: read slowly with a journal nearby and, if possible, discuss key ideas with a therapist or trusted support group as you go.

Most appropriate for parents, caregivers, or older teens/young adults doing personal growth work who want to model healthier relational patterns for their families and better understand their own triggers and needs.

Pros

Straightforward, compassionate guide that explains what healthy boundaries, communication, and family dynamics look like for adults who grew up in dysfunctional homes; often described by readers as the “handbook you wish you’d had,” with concrete lists and examples that help clarify what “normal” can mean in day‑to‑day life. 

Cons

Written for adults rather than kids, with some heavy emotional topics; the language and examples can feel dated or somewhat 12‑step‑influenced to some readers; it’s a self‑help book, not a substitute for therapy, and may surface painful memories without providing in‑depth clinical support.

Because this is a secular trade book rather than a formal curriculum, approval varies by charter school or ESA program; many families purchase it through common vendors (Amazon, Bookshop, local bookstores) and then request reimbursement under counseling, SEL, or parent‑education funds where allowed—always check your specific program’s rules.

$13.38

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An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’
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Skills

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Psychology
Psychology
Social-Emotional Learning
Social-Emotional Learning
Life Skills
Life Skills

An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’ Mission

An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s “Normal” is designed to help adults raised in dysfunctional families understand what healthy behavior, boundaries, and relationships actually look like. Through concrete examples and exercises, it aims to support readers in breaking long‑standing patterns and building a more functional, self‑respecting life.

An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’ Story

Psychologists John C. Friel and Linda D. Friel spent years working with adult children of alcoholics and other dysfunctional family systems and saw how often their clients lacked a clear model of “normal.” Drawing on their clinical practice, they wrote An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s “Normal” as an accessible, workbook‑style companion for people beginning recovery and personal growth. The book has endured as a go‑to resource in counseling and support‑group settings because of its straightforward tone and focus on practical life skills rather than abstract theory.

About Modular Learning

FAQ: Additional Details about An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’

Imagine sitting on the couch with a warm drink and a highlighter, reading a short, story‑rich chapter about family patterns that feels uncomfortably familiar, then pausing to scribble in a notebook while your teen or co‑parent shares their own examples; the tone is direct but compassionate, like having an honest conversation with a wise therapist in book form.

This is a practical self‑help guide for adults and older teens who grew up in dysfunctional or chaotic homes, especially adult children of alcoholics. Families can use it as part of a life‑skills or social‑emotional learning track by reading a chapter at a time, highlighting key ideas about boundaries, communication, and self‑care, and then journaling or discussing how those patterns show up in real life. Many homeschooling parents also use it privately as they de‑school and redesign family culture, modeling healthier “normal” for their kids as they go.

If used with teens, an adult should co‑read, set ground rules for respectful sharing, and be ready to pause when emotions run high; many families also pair the book with counseling or support groups so kids aren’t processing heavy material alone.

Best suited for mature high schoolers, young adults, and parents who have solid reading comprehension and are ready to talk about topics like addiction, codependency, shame, and trauma in a thoughtful, supported way.

This book is geared toward older teens and adults who grew up in chaotic or emotionally difficult homes, including many neurodivergent readers who masked heavily in childhood. It can support mental health and self‑understanding, but it’s not a curriculum; parents should preview for intensity and use it as a guided resource with teens who have trauma histories or high anxiety.

Refunds and returns follow the policy of the retailer where you purchase the book (for example, Amazon, Bookshop, or a local bookstore); Modulo does not manage refunds for this title.

Not suitable as independent reading for children; may be overwhelming for individuals currently in crisis without the support of a skilled therapist; readers who dislike psychological or recovery‑style writing may not connect with it.

Other frequently recommended titles in this space include “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving,” and “Running on Empty”; pairing any of these with counseling can be especially powerful. 

Originally published in 1990 and kept in print in multiple paperback and digital editions, the book’s core content has stayed the same, with updated covers and formats rather than major rewrites, because the core skills it teaches—healthy limits, communication, and emotional awareness—are evergreen. 

Read slowly—perhaps a chapter every week or two—and discuss insights with a trusted friend, partner, or counselor, using sticky notes or journaling to track specific ideas you want to consciously model or change in your parenting.

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Meet John and Linda

John C. Friel, PhD, and Linda D. Friel, MA, are psychologists in private practice in St. Paul, Minnesota, where they have long specialized in working with adults from addictive and dysfunctional families. Together they have written multiple books on codependency, family systems, and emotional recovery—including An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s “Normal”—translating their clinical experience into down‑to‑earth tools for everyday life.