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How to Raise an Adult

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Parent guide

How to Raise an Adult by former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims is a bestselling parenting book that critiques overparenting and makes a strong case for fostering independence. Drawing on her experience working with college students and research on child development, she shows how excessive hovering can undermine resilience and competence. Parents appreciate her mix of tough love and empathy, plus the concrete suggestions for stepping back appropriately at different ages. The book is especially relevant for families navigating high-pressure academic environments or anxious about their child’s future. It’s aimed at adults, though older teens may benefit from discussing key ideas. Some readers may feel defensive at first, but many find relief in the permission to let go of micromanagement. For best use, identify a few areas where you can give your child more responsibility—like managing their schedule or resolving small conflicts—and use the book’s framework to guide the transition.

Best for parents of tweens through college-age kids who worry they’re overhelping, want to build true independence, and appreciate a secular, research-informed, tough-love-but-kind voice.

Pros

Parents appreciate the way this book names helicopter parenting, offers a clear framework for gradually handing responsibility over to kids, and backs it all up with stories, research, and college and workplace perspectives on what real readiness looks like. 

Cons

Some readers feel the book is heavily focused on upper-middle-class families aiming at elite universities, find the college-admissions sections long, or wish it spoke more directly to different cultural and economic contexts. 

Most families purchase this as a regular trade book. Some charter and ESA programs reimburse parent-education titles as professional development or family resources; families should verify eligibility with their specific funding program.

$8.68-$15.16 on Amazon

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How to Raise an Adult
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How to Raise an Adult Mission

How to Raise an Adult exists to help families break free from the overparenting trap and instead raise self-reliant, resilient young adults who can think, choose, and cope on their own. Grounded in research and a decade of experience working with college students, the book challenges checklisted, high-pressure parenting and offers a more humane, developmentally wise approach focused on agency rather than anxiety.

How to Raise an Adult Story

The book grew out of what Julie Lythcott-Haims witnessed as Stanford’s dean of freshmen: bright students showing up on campus burned out, micromanaged, and ill-prepared to handle life without a parent stepping in. After years of conversations with students, parents, and colleagues—and seeing the fallout of “doing too much” for our kids—she began speaking and writing about the harms of overparenting. Those talks evolved into How to Raise an Adult, which weaves campus stories, research, and her own parenting journey into a wake-up call and a roadmap for giving kids their lives back.

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FAQ: Additional Details about How to Raise an Adult

A day with this resource might look like listening to a chapter on your commute or while walking, then later sitting at the kitchen table with your teen to talk about one small change, like them handling their own email to a coach or teacher. Over time, the home atmosphere feels less like a project-management office and more like a training ground for capable young adults.

This book works as a mindset-shifting guide for adults who want to foster independence from childhood through the teen years. Parents usually read in short segments, identify “overparenting” habits that show up in their family, and then redesign chores, school expectations, and daily routines to give kids more responsibility and voice. It can anchor family meetings or planning sessions about college and life after high school.

Parents and caregivers are the “students” here. They read, reflect, and then gradually shift expectations, chores, and decision-making in the home so kids practice real-world responsibility instead of being managed. Some families invite older teens to read selected chapters and co-create plans.

No academic prerequisites; it’s written for adults and older teens. It’s especially useful for families thinking ahead to high school, college, or big transitions who are willing to adjust their habits.

This book is written for parents and encourages fostering independence rather than over‑scaffolding, which is particularly relevant when raising neurodivergent kids. It can help adults balance support and autonomy for ADHD, autistic, or anxious children by focusing on skill‑building instead of rescuing.

Refunds are handled entirely by the bookseller (online or local). Most allow returns or exchanges for new, unused print books within a set window; digital formats may be non-refundable once downloaded.

Families already far outside the college-bound track, or those who find discussions of elite campuses alienating or stressful, may not resonate with the framing or examples.

Pair with “Hunt, Gather, Parent” for a more relational, cross-cultural lens, or with podcasts like Life Kit: Parenting for bite-sized reinforcement of the same themes.

The author continues to speak and write about young adult mental health, college readiness, and overparenting, so families can pair the core text with recent talks or interviews. The main guidance in the book remains relevant year after year.

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Meet Julie

Julie Lythcott-Haims is a New York Times–bestselling author and former dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising at Stanford University, where she became known for her fierce advocacy for young adults finding their own path. She holds a BA from Stanford, a JD from Harvard Law School, and an MFA in writing from California College of the Arts, and today serves on the Palo Alto City Council while writing and speaking about adulthood, parenting, and identity. A fun fact: before becoming an educator and author, Julie spent years as a corporate lawyer—experience she now draws on when she talks about redefining success for the next generation.